I had a great night.
Invited to do a house concert in a lovely, welcoming home.
Two talented musicians accompanied me.
Before the gig started we were discussing bar gigs, the ones where people eat, drink and talk their way over your music, oblivious to the work, the practice, the rehersals, the effort at putting yourself out there.
Don't get me wrong, I've paid a few bills from those gigs.
A house concert, may, with everyone so close and attentive, bring a different kind of fear.
Last night though was like a bit of magic. At one point while singing, I realized I could hear the tinkle of water from a quiet water feature in the next room.
It was amazing and humbling and I was intensely and instantly grateful.
Grateful I hadn't walked away from my music, grateful talented musicians help lift me up so I can try to do what I do,grateful that I was being heard, really listened to.
I think on some level, that's what we all want.
To be heard, to be seen in our vulnerability and to be respected and accepted.
So maybe all the self doubt is worth it, the "I'm not good enough, what was I thinking" thoughts are worth it. Unpacking some feeling,and recognizing the exposure and the anxiety as a step in the right direction.
Seems a bit over the top for a house concert.
We've got some moments, make the best of them.